Noah wasn't sure about the birthday party.
But, there were hot dogs and picture shows.
Birthday presents, family and friends.
Bouncy houses
And cake, there was cake.
Balloons are Noah's favorite thing...he just loves them. So we went with it. And it worked. Balloons on a 1st birthday - what could be nicer???
Happy One to our favorite one year old.
Remember to scroll down to the bottom of the blog and push pause on the music player.
This is Gabe and his "girlfriend" Mallory. Don't worry, he says he still wants to marry Nana.
One year ago today, I was a mother to one. One little Gabriel that captivated my attention, his long eyelashes and subtle sly smile, made me want to share him with another.
And one year and one day from today Noah Bryan Jones entered our family. And now two littles captivate my attention, their long eyelashes and subtle smiles melting me and making me forever wonder. I wonder how long it will be until I feel whole again, since two little boys have a piece of my heart and are walking around this world with it in their back pockets.
One year ago today, I had my Dad and although we knew he had cancer, he was beating it. He was full of life enjoying being a Papa again, and looking forward to being a Papa for the 3rd time to Kristen's baby growing in her belly. How can so much change in one year?
I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know this. One year brings love, and growth, and change, and tears, and laughter, and little boys loving their Mama. So we shall reminisce about One year, and all that came with it on May 17, 2011 at 10:33 am when 6 lbs 11oz, and 21" of Noah entered this world.
plus One...
Becomes 4.
This little newborn boy...
So sweet, quiet, and innocent...
Becomes this...
Full of sweetness and cuddles, but not so quiet and innocent. But full of spitfire and noise, living up to his middle name by driving cars across my floors, Noah Bryan. You are mine, and I am SO glad you are here.
Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.
Dean Acheson
Stay tuned for the birthday tomorrow, and the birthday party on Saturday!
Noah can make "vroom" noises when playing with a toy car. He is the cutest.
Reminder: You should scroll down and "pause" my playlist so that you can really hear the cuteness of Noah.
I read a blog the other day on grief, and it validated me, made me feel like, "oh me too." It says a common statement made to individuals suffering from loss often hear, "I can't imagine." And I can say, I have heard this statement often - and I always answer, "I know." If you really want to be in the moment, trying to help your grieving friend, family member, co-worker, etc. try to imagine. When I say that, I don't want you to experience loss, sadness, hopelessness, grief. But maybe imagining what it feels like for only a moment might connect you to me a bit more - and make me feel less alone. Just a thought.
And some other words to the wise, little snippets of wisdom gained from this awful experience and pain my family has endure - It is NOT ABOUT YOU! Now I know the people reading this blog - know this - because you are my friends, but my friends have friends - share this with them. Talking to a grieving person or just saying, "I bet you really miss your dad, I bet you really miss your Natalie" is O.K.! I promise! Saying the names of our lost family members - validates us. We are already sad - we already are thinking of them constantly; so bringing up their names isn't hard for us - it is hard for you. We want to talk about them - and if we don't we will say so then. But just the kind word, or saying their names out loud won't make things hard for us- they are already hard. And it is NEVER too late to give a hug, send a card, drop by with a meal, or send a tree!
Send a tree you say? Well - you don't have to send a tree. But 11 sorority sisters did just that yesterday. And it made me feel loved and remembered. Thank you Lauren Hirsch Shook, Kristine Holladay, Jenny Ericksen Bornhourse, Leslie Blake DeKoster, Angie Campbell, Teryl Fordon Floerchinger, Kathryn Young Kunkel, Erica Brewer Carrico, Jenny Zeller August, Nicole Karstens Campbell, and Mindy Miehe Galloway. This beautiful tree will be planted in memory of my dad, Bryan, and my niece, Natalie, and in honor of the friendship we had in college, and that transcends time. Thank your for the thoughtful gift and nice note: Together forever, never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart. Thank you for trying to imagine my pain, my mom's pain, my sister's pain - so that we don't feel so alone.
My mom came down this weekend to share in Jones fun - and that we did. We shopped, snuggled, went to restaurants, chased children, slept in, watched movies. But we missed Dad, and missed Kristen, and missed Natalie. It is hard to imagine that this picture was just 6 months ago.
or this:
or this:
I want it back the way it was. I want my dad, I want my sister, I want my niece, I want my mom, I want us back before the hurt, before the pain, before the loss, before the grief. I want to be naive. I want it the way it was. We have had everything taken away that was precious and true - an entire family has changed, their smiles removed, so-long blissful unawareness. And an entire person is changed - an entire family. Did you see those smiles on those people we once were? Where are they? Because I want them back - but I know that isn't possible. We have to learn to be new people - and grieve the missing parts of ourselves. A friend explained to me the reason why we are so lost: Your parents are your past - they are who you are, where you came from, why you are you. And children are your future, where you are going, your hopes and dreams. So if this is true - we lost our past and our future in 10 short days. I don't want this new life - I want the old. Does anyone see it? If you can't find it, can you imagine how we feel?
