Playing house

Disclaimer: I love being a Mommy to my 2 boys and a wife to Bart, and I wouldn't chose anything else but....

I was under the impression that I have been playing house with Bart for the past 7 years+. It was fun to get married, find careers, buy a house, have a son, have another son, etc. But I am still 21 right? If I wake up in the morning back at Iowa State unable to make it to my too early 8:00am class, is that possible? My biggest problem is my English paper? How many cans can I return to get enough money for Bar cover and then who do I have to flirt with do get a free drink tonight? Wrong.

I have arrived into my 30s! Gulp. With all the chaos in our lives lately I have started to think "what if?" Consequently, this allowed Bart and I to come to the conclusion - we need more life insurance. So we got it. Definitely a requirement to the "over 30" club.

With all of the driving we have been doing - it has become a necessity to purchase a bigger vehicle - enter mini-van. That is definitely a requirement for the "over 30" club. Isn't the word "mini-van" a swear word to those too young to require one? I told myself I would NEVER own one. Do you see what we DON'T own below. Yes, it has a DVD player and everything for the kids. Nothing for the parent other than a "welcome to the old club" bumper sticker. But if anyone calls me a "soccer mom" I reserve the right to "accidentally" back up over your bicycle - even though the mini has a back up camera to specifically prevent this from happening.

But the benefits of "playing house" is the joy I have from sharing my life with my 2 beautiful boys and caring husband. They continue to bring me joy daily. And when I say joy, that doesn't always translate into happiness. We are not oozing happiness daily - No fairy tale music, blue birds chirping, or money growing on trees here in Van Meter, Iowa. We still are burned, charred, and scarred from the pain of those we lost, Dad and Natalie. But there is joy in our lives in the form of 2 little boys. Here is an update on the kiddos:

Gabriel-isms:

• Gabe can no longer "share" his drinks or food with me - because I have "germs." (This reiterates the point that I am old - I have Mom germs and he doesn't want them. Is growing old contagious?)
• Gabe loves to "play doctor" and fix up Mama's owies or Noah's ears.

Open wide, Noah

• After a punishment for hitting his brother, being sassy, yelling, or something else bad, I am also scolded by being told, "YOU ARE NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE MAMA!"
• Conversation #1:
  • Mama: "Gabe, come over here so I can take your picture, smile nice, and show your teeth."
  • Gabe: "Mama, why are you always wanting to take my picture all the time?"
  • Mama: "Because you are growing up so fast and I don't want to miss anything before you get too big."
  • Gabe: "What-ever Mom, what-ever." (cue eye roll, but he still obliges me and smiles showing his teeth."

• Converation #2 - after picking him up from Sunday School:
  • Gabe: "MOM!, I have to tell you something!"
  • Mama: "What? Tell me."
  • Gabe: "Easter is NOT about bunnies!"
  • Mama: "It isn't?"
  • Gabe: "It is not about chocolate or jelly beans either!"
  • Mama: "Oh."
  • Gabe: "Jesus loves you Mama."
  • Mama: "He loves you too, Gabriel."
  • Gabe: "I KNOW that Mom!"

 

• If Noah is crying, getting into Gabe's things, has a poopy diaper, he is "MY baby." "Mom, YOUR baby is wrecking my blocks/stinky/crying."
• Gabe LOVES to play soccer and run and be wild as much as possible. And his remaining "baby" characteristics are gone. He is totally a Big boy now. And this big boy gets a little curl in his hair when he gets hot and sweaty, just like his Papa; whom I catch a glimpse of each day through him. Thank you Gabriel for keeping my Dad alive in you. God Bless you for that.

Noah-isms:

• Noah can wave. And he totally digs it. He waves, "Hi" and doesn't realize he is doing it. Then he notices that he is doing it and checks his little hand out and he realizes it. Cue HUGE smile of accomplishment and continued waving.
• Little man can take a few steps. But he still prefers to mad-fast crawl to whatever task he has on his one-track-mind as fast as possible, especially if I am sitting in the nursing chair. I don't think I will ever be able to wean this boob-man.
• He loves to pick up the most minute items and "give" them to me. Lint, rocks, crumbs, etc. All are on his radar.
• He doesn't have any words as of yet, but he makes a small "vroom" noise when pushing cars along the floor with this big brother.

• His heart appointment was totally fine. He has a sharper angle in his heart that makes the murmur sound - But anatomy his fine! Yay God.
• He loves to swing outside on the swing set. Well, this picture doesn't do him justice, but trust me when I say he loves it.

• He needs to be up in all of big brother's business. Here he is stealing Gabe's markers and trying to figure out how to get up on the couch to color with him.

• In fact, if it is Gabe's, Noah wants it. End of story.

• Noah likes to pretend too. He likes to "talk" on the telephone and brush his hair. He can also do "so big" and looks like he is almost figuring out how to clap. Noah also likes to pretend his life is extremely difficult. He will throw a fit if he isn't getting what he wants RIGHT NOW. Head back, loud cry, throw to ground, etc.  Cue Gabe, "Mom, your baby wants you."

That being said, our life is full. But many in our immediate family - are struggling. We are too, because we miss my Dad, the boys' Papa, our niece and cousin, Natalie. My mom is struggling to find her new role without my Dad. And my sister and her husband are struggling to find their role as parents, without their daughter. They have been dealt shitty hand and continue to attempt to make a play, only to realize their hand still is shitty. I think we want to call a "mis-deal" and start over. But there are no re-dos in this life. They need to find a "new normal" in this new life that has been forever changed due to the absence of two very important people. Please continue to hold them in your thoughts and prayers. And continue to talk about Dad and Natalie - because that is the ONLY way that they continue to live on. And I REALLY mean it when I say, LOVE your family. Don't miss an opportunity to hug them, kiss them, share a meal, go for a walk, snuggle on the couch. Because we wish we could with our missing links. Don't wish your life away or wait, thinking your life will be better when........ Because your life is now. Drink it in. Be thankful for this moment, this moment is your life. I think I hear the doorbell calling me to play house.